let them eat heavy metals

you said, “why not you?”
like pain was a fair punishment
i should swallow without choking.

as if i was built to endure it.
as if the world handed me hell
and i was supposed to thank it.

you say my name
like a leash.

say it again.

you speak of happiness
like two cheap sedatives

you want to kiss me
only after you cleanse me.

of everything that made me dangerous.

you say you want me,
but not as is.

you want the version of me
who shrinks.
who nods.

who thinks your voice is gospel.

you say love yourself
as if that means loving you
for telling me how.

i know what this is.
you’re not trying to help me.
you’re trying to remake me
into something easier to hold.

so let me say this slowly
with a mouth full of silver:

i’d rather be unloved than handled.
i’d rather be feared than softened.
i’d rather die than swallow your blessing.

so eat your advice.
chew on your sermons.

wash it down
with the metal in my voice.

i am the same mute
you never thought would speak.